The challenges of communal decision making
Winston Churchill said “democracy is the worst form of Government except for all those other forms” … well what Winston is observing is that collective decision making is challenging and us humans are still figuring out how to do it really well.
Most decision making in groups I’ve seen from community to small business to corporate is very linear, rational and time bound. The emphasis is on making decisions efficiently and quickly. It ignores the wisdom that comes from deep open enquiry over extended periods of time. It ignores the wisdom of the crowd. It can create division and disharmony, resentment and even trauma. It discriminates against people who need more time, who decide using feelings or who are not good with written words e.g. dyslexics,. It encourages background lobbying and politics.
Often the problem being solved and the proposals being presented aren’t well understood. The proposals could come from an incomplete, incorrect or biased understanding of the situation and the need that is being addressed. The proposals presented are not well formulated, discriminate against unrepresented people, are biased or don’t include the best solutions.
In many communities some or all of the attendees dread going to decision making meetings. People feel pressure to decide now or to agree with allies or friends or they do deals to get their next proposal supported. Some are afraid to speak up in a meeting so don’t or they feel that even if they do speak up then their concern won’t be listened to. They possibly think that some other person or group will put them down or influence the process so much that it isn’t even worth speaking up. Some are just tired of the meeting or have to finish on time so they just agree to get it over and done with – a quick decision being better than a good decision in this case. Sometimes people leave meetings feeling distressed or traumatised needing emotional support to cope with what happened. Some refuse to attend further meetings. Others get frustrated with the process and don’t even submit proposals that are dear to their heart. This can affect people so deeply that they decide to withdraw from community life or even leave the community and live somewhere else.
All of the above lowers the quality of decisions and leaves the group feeling frustrated, disappointed, angry and even traumatised by the process. Instead of building group alignment and common understanding these meetings achieve the opposite fracturing the community creating ongoing resentment, frustration and mistrust.
Why improve this? Better decisions and improved process lead to a better quality of life and more fun 🙂
For me the answer to the above is simple for a few reasons:
- Better quality of life – Better decisions lead to better outcomes which lead to a better quality of life
- Kindness – I want to get to know my colleagues and fellow residents, I don’t want to traumatise them and create division, I would like to think that every time we have a deep discussion we uncover more about what is important to each person in the room and create deeper alignment and harmony.
- Peace and fun – I like having fun. I prefer not to cause more stress in my life. So finding a process that is fun and enjoyable, kind and respectful is important to me – even if it takes longer.
- Efficiency – I believe if we learn to talk kindly and to listen to each other, that we will get to know each other more, deepen understanding, alignment and trust. This will lead to more efficient meetings and decision processes in the long run as we won’t be spending all that time in disputes and politicking.
Cultural and attitudinal shifts needed
What assumptions, resentments and thoughts do we take into our decision process? Where do we come from when considering a proposal? What is the guiding principle or motivation we have when we are making a proposal or addressing a proposal?
Is our involvement in the decision process all about me? Is the only thing we are considering is what is good or bad for me? Do I like it or not? Is it my preference? Or do I go to the other extreme and only consider what the community and others need and forget about myself and my own needs?
Let’s consider why proposals are made and why there is a need for a decision. A decision is required only when there is a need that has not been met, when the way things are, is different to the way we want things to be. That is, when there is a gap between the current reality and a different future. So someone wants something to be different in their lives, generally they are desiring to make their life better and to come closer to realising their dreams.
The perspectives that I like to hold that I feel are more expansive, kind and uplifting are:
- Kindness
- How can I be more kind in this discussion?
- Am I considering the needs of others?
- Willingness – to play and engage in the group, to help people achieve things
- How can I help get this proposal approved?
- What changes does it need so that everyone would be happy?
- Would the decision produce a great outcome for the group and the wider community (even the planet)
- Selflessness / Open mindedness
- How am I reacting to this? What feelings do I have in my body?
- Are my criticisms coming from personal preference or annoyance?
- Do they come from a mistrust or mislike of the person or solution?
- How can I be open minded and centered?
- Critical Thinking
- What need is the person asking for the decision satisfying?
- Are we addressing the right question, problem or need?
- Holism / Systems thinking / Big picture thinking
- Am I considering the holistic nature of the community and life and how this decision will impact on the overall system?
- What other aspects of the community will this impact?
- Regeneration and Sustainability
- Is it regenerative?
- Does it build capability and resilience in the community?
- Let’s be practical
- Is it “Safe enough to try”?
- Is it “Good enough for now”?
Organisational changes help – clear policies, procedures supported by systems
Creating agreements (policies and processes) to support they type of decision making culture we would like is necessary as it creates common understanding and the ability to know when we get off track. Implementing systems – computer or otherwise – that supports these policies helps to make the agreements easier to practice and embeds the agreements into the communal culture.
Innerwork – compassionate communication, mindfulness, deep listening
Creating the ability to be present with strong emotions that come up and remain kind and objective is very helpful when in a meeting (or one on one) and confronted with something that causes a reaction in you. By all means share what you are feeling with the group, though find ways to do it without attacking (aggressive or passively) anyone or without withdrawing from the discussion.
Training on how to do deep enquiry about a topic. Mindfulness is the practice of maintaining a nonjudgmental state of heightened or complete awareness of one’s thoughts, emotions, and experiences on a moment-to-moment basis. There are plenty of exercises to cultivate mindfulness available from meditation to short 60 second breaks to digital breaks to to deep listening to time in nature and much more. Just google “mindfulness exercises”.
Cultivating compassionate communication is a key. It will help prevent difficult conversations tuning into painful confusing conflict. While we may not consider the way we talk to be ‘violent,’ our words often lead to hurt and pain, whether for others or for ourselves. Being able to safely express feelings and ask for what we need using language that doesn’t imply criticism or judgement is the goal. True willingness to hear and to understand what the other is saying is key.
“Seek first to understand, not to be understood” is a great practice. “Seek first to understand” involves a very deep shift in paradigm. We typically seek first to be understood.